Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And then my night got REAL pukey
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
