There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize