doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
