careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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