Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
