After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
