we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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