i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
