Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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