Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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