thus making me awesome and them whores
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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