I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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