Me too!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
