i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
