we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
