do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
