u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
