im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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