just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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