Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
