I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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