I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
