I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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