It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
