fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
