We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
