fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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