i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
