You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
