I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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