Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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