Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bet he comes in French.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
