I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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