I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
