That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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