Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
