I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
