im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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