I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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