He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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