I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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