the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize