I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
