I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
