I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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