You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
