My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I look better un-naked...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
