No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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