I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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