dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize