Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just invented taco cereal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
