A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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