well I can't set my house on fire every night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
