so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
