Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
