i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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