after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
