There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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