dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize