Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
