apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
