i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize