3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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