so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
