Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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