You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
