dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
