Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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