Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
