Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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