I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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