Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
