Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
