We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize