I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
