just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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