do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize