No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
