At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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