The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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