Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
