It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize