That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
