People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
