He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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