When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My vagina is very pro this idea
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
