you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
