he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
