and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Someone signed my nipple.
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