I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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