What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
