i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
