Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
