If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
