So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
