tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
