Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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