Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
