i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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