Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
