Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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